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UX Writing Challenge #9

This article is my response to the following user experience writing challenge:

Scenario: The user is trying to rent a car using an application but the credit card they have on file has expired. 
Challenge: Write them an error message so that they can correct the problem, and try not to be a jerk about it.
Headline: 30 characters max

Body: 45 characters max

I drafted two versions of a response to the challenge. I considered what sort of messaging I would like to receive for an error message. Then, I referred back to the challenge as it pertained to tone.

HeadlineOh no! Your credit card is expired.Uh oh! Your credit card has expired.
BodyPlease update your card information and try again.Please change your card information and re-submit.

Headline Approach: The headline in the message is to alert the user of the issue. I decided to combine straight forward language, while keeping in mind that the message is for a person. A person may have adverse circumstances with their card. The last thing users want is to read bland and impersonal language.

Body Approach: The process for resubmitting the credit card payment requires two steps: updating the card information and another payment submission. In both drafts, I use two verbs as an unofficial step-by-step guide. The use of ‘Please’ is to offer a request as opposed to a direct order. While ‘re-submit’ sounds professional, it is also robotic. ‘Try again’ is friendlier and used more in verbal speech.

FINAL DRAFT: My biggest consideration was tone for the challenge. After considering the pros and cons of both drafts, I decided to incorporate elements from versions to produce the following:

HeadlineOh no! Your credit card has expired!
BodyPlease update your card information and try again.

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